This may surprise you, but we have ourselves to blame for our weaknesses!  Sorry, we can’t blame our temperament or anyone or anything outside of ourselves.  We are responsible!  By the way, don’t say “blame.”  Blame, to me, is a dangerous word.  We should not “blame” ourselves for anything since blame is condemnation.  To condemn ourselves results in negative judgments against ourselves and can be very damaging. 

 We should, rather, hold ourselves responsible for our actions. We don’t want to blame our children because it lowers their self-esteem. And one of the temperaments (the NF), in particular, is strongly affected by continual inner judgments against themselves.  We cannot afford to encourage these inner judgments.  We should not let ourselves off the hook when we are responsible, either.  Blame is condemnation, but accepting responsibility points us positively in the direction of change.  Being accountable, without the negative impact of blame, is our goal.  We simply are responsible for all of our actions and reactions, and that means for all of our weaknesses, because I hope to convince you that you really are responsible for your weaknesses – as I am for mine.

 Weaknesses are the negatives in our lives.  We have already said that we can never be given negatives.  Positives, yes!  Negatives are the malfunctioning of a healthy system.  They result in and are caused by mistakes, failures, wrongs, and hurts.  Weaknesses come from the wrong use or nonuse of strengths.   Here’s how…

My observations have taught me that all weaknesses are a negative reflection of our strengths and we create them in one of three ways: 

 1.     When we don’t use our strengths, we create weaknesses in our lives.  This should be obvious. 

2.     When we overuse our strengths we create weaknesses.  The overuse of any strength creates a weakness.  Overuse creates a negative (not a positive) force. 

3.     When we use our strengths for wrong purposes (that is, to hurt ourselves or others – any others) we develop weaknesses, and we soon feel the pain of guilt flagging us that something is wrong.  

There’s good news in this.  I hope you see it.  The good news is that, because we are responsible for our weakness, we can overcome them.  The solution is really simple.  It starts with understanding focus.  We’ll deal with that in a subsequent lesson.

  # # #

This article is adapted from an excerpt from the book, I’m A Keeper, by Ray W. Lincoln.  Ray is offering a great package of supporting gifts FOR A LIMITED TIME to those who purchase I’m a Keeper. 

Go NOW to http://web.me.com/raynmaryjolincoln/RayWLincoln/Imakeeperbook.html to access this helpful book and the incredible offers.

Ray Lincoln is the founder of Ray W. Lincoln & Associates, providing life coaching, parenting seminars, personal growth seminars, marriage seminars and more.  His expertise in Temperament Psychology has led to such success with solving parenting dilemmas that he has finally answered the recurring calls of his clients by publishing “I’m a Keeper.” His website, RayWLincoln.com, and blog, http://blog.raywlincoln.com offer further help and guidance

This article is adapted from an excerpt from the book, I’m A Keeper, by Ray W. Lincoln.  Ray is offering a great package of supporting gifts FOR A LIMITED TIME to those who purchase I’m a Keeper. 

 If you have an angry or hostile child, you need to first determine which you are observing — anger or hostility.  Anger is usually a reaction to being hurt.  Hostility is something else and we will not discuss that here. 

 Knowing your child’s temperament is the next big step.  Temperament consists of the innate urges that drive your child to action in every instance.  When you know this it will lead you to the source of the anger.  You will need to determine where the anger is coming from.  Don’t punish outbursts that are typical displays of your child’s temperament.  Hurt is caused when some basic strength of a person’s temperament is unable to be satisfied.  For example: the sensitive NF’s anger at being hurt; an stabilizing SJ’s anger at a loss of security; a freedom-loving, daring SP’s anger at authority that causes loss of freedom; or an ingenious NT’s anger at a loss of achievement.  Instead of punishing their anger, help them work through to a decision and a behavior that will enable them to relate effectively within their temperament to others, including you. When you can do this you are a “super” parent. 

 “Super Parent Theresa” was mystified as to why her daughter, Bridget, was stubbornly disobedient and spoke to her in bitter anger most of the time.  Theresa had asked her daughter to clean up her room, but to her annoyance, found the room trashed instead of tidy.  Her surge of anger was instant. (This is your signal that you are about to lose it emotionally, and can either gain or lose control of the situation.  Take a time out, breathe deeply, and think!  Recover your calm, controlling, manner.)  “How dare she defy me like this,” she thought.  Instead of handing out an immediate punishment in anger, Theresa followed the above steps.  She withdrew to think clearly.  Her daughter, she thought, always kept her room neat and tidy.  This was so unlike her to trash her room.  

Theresa remembered that her daughter was an SJ temperament whose greatest threat to living in her strengths was insecurity.  Could she be feeling insecure?  The answer was near at hand.  Bridget had just come home with a poor report card, and her teacher who she looked up to and felt connected to had reprimanded her.  It was, admittedly, four weeks since the divorce.  Could this (and the teacher’s scolding) have climaxed in a fit of rage and rebellion against her mother? Perhaps, even the whole world?  This fit could be the expression of an insecure, frightened little girl. 

 Theresa called Bridget to her and, assuming this was the cause, began to comfort her and go over these events, suggesting they could be quite upsetting and destabilizing.  The dam broke and amid big tears, the mother discovered her daughter’s fears and heard “I’m sorry, Mother.”  An SJ parent had rediscovered her SJ child and become the comforting mentor and understanding parent Bridget so needed.  Super parenting!

# # #

This article is an adapted excerpt from the book, I’m A Keeper, by Ray W. Lincoln.  Ray is offering a great package of supporting gifts FOR A LIMITED TIME to those who purchase I’m a Keeper.  Go NOW to http://web.me.com/raynmaryjolincoln/RayWLincoln/Imakeeperbook.html to access this helpful book and the incredible offer.

Ray Lincoln is the founder of Ray W. Lincoln & Associates, providing life coaching, parenting seminars, personal growth seminars, marriage seminars and more.  His expertise in Temperament Psychology has led to such success with solving parenting dilemmas that he has finally answered the recurring calls of his clients by publishing “I’m a Keeper.” His website, RayWLincoln.com, and blog, http://blog.raywlincoln.com offer further help and guidance.

We cannot deny that our children will be conditioned to some degree to be who they are not.  It is inevitable, conscious or not, in parenting.  This happens because our manual for parenting comes from our parents, mentors, doctors, or friends to name a few.  With these preconceived beliefs about what we think is safe, important, productive, successful, right/wrong, good/bad, we hold and project these fears, doubts, and limitations onto our children. 

If we can let go, and create a space of holding our children as capable, then the child grows confident in their capabilities.  Providing this space for individual competence, and constantly keeping in check our fears and limitations, we open the space for our children to trust themselves and move in alignment with their interests…what they love and what inspires them. Children, to be truly happy and successful, need to be afforded the opportunity to listen to their inner guidance, feelings, and follow their hearts.  If we truly trust this process, they will blossom and shine.  Each of you WILL become a conscious, active, responsible participant in your own life.

If we want our children to realize anything is possible, and follow their natural instinct, then keep in check your fears, limitations, doubts, and expectations. Rather than focus on what they can’t do, focus on what they can do. When you let go of what you want them to be, and just let them be, they will completely flourish.  They are perfect just the way they are.

Affirmation to end the month:

I am whole and perfect just the way I am.

I want to share this video, as I believe it speaks to September’s theme.  EN-JOY!!!

I invite you to read this article by Jill Hope.   It is definitely a SIMPLE tool to help your child achieve any goal.

Today I want to share Little Jessica, because Jessica has it!!!! This is what I have been talking about!!! Little Jessica’s got it! Are you reducing stress, and building self-belief, self-esteem!!!!  If you haven’t joined me, then join Little Jessica!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg

I don’t think I need to say anymore today…it’s all about belief and action…GO FOR IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART!!!!!

1.  Your daily reminder will plant a seed of self-awareness. 

Today you affirm!

I Believe in Me.  I am wonderfully creative.  I enjoy new experiences.  All my dreams are coming true.

1. Take it with you and cultivate it by affirming it…a lot OK!? Great, you are cultivating self-realization. 

Say these affirmations in front of the mirror with power, imagination, and creativity.  Feel them, say them, and then begin to dance them.  Put on some music.  Say them, dance them, and share the experience with a friend or family member. 

1. Now begin to water it with any activity, book, or other crazy idea I may send you, or be creative and make up your own.  This step is very, very, important, and BIG, because you are self actualizing the truth of who you are.

Cultivate it, water it…how?  During the day(s) as you move through your experiences, be mindful of what you are doing, how you are feeling and affirm it with thoughts, feelings and words like…

I really believe in me, and I can do it.  I did it!!!  When I believe in me, I always do my best, and my best is good enough.

Wow, look, I found a new way!  I am sooo creative. 

I learned a new activity at school today, and I really loved, and enjoyed that new experience.  I ___________, and discovered _________. 

I feel__________.  When I feel this way, my belief in myself and dreams can only come true. 

Notice how many times you get to say one of these affirmations throughout your day.  Again, be mindful, and no matter what you are engaged in, see if you can validate yourself with one of these affirmations!!!!

Parents, I invite you to check out these books.  They are fabulous stories to read or share with your child before bedtime.   They come from Stress Free Kids on my website.

Affirmation Web and Affirmation Weaver

A Believe in Yourself  story and adventure, designed to help children boost self-esteem while decreasing stress and anxiety levels.
by Lori Lite • Illustrated by Max Stasuyk

It’s Labor Day weekend, and surely you and your family are planning activities together with friends, other family members, or some type of community gathering.  This is a time of sharing and working together to make many wonderful memories possible.  The kind of working together I am talking about is co-operation.  No shoulds, have tos, or expectations of how things ought to look…UNLESS you have decided that as a family.  Have a family meeting and talk about what your plans are, how everyone feels about them, give everyone an opportunity to make suggestions, and finally together in equal partnership create a win-win for everyone.  

Everyone, when moving from this kind of partnership through co-operation and being heard, will share their love and watch it grow.

Remember I said the affirmation must be in the forefront  of everyone’s mind and beingness throughout the day (or weekend in this case).  I hope as you move through your weekend experience, you will hear each other say, I share my love and watch it grow.  This can happen verbally or just through your being that which you are.  Sooo…

One final suggestion:  Observe, and be present to yourself and the other.  When you see a family member or another giving from joy, through love, acknowledge it through a deep breath, smile, or thank you, to yourself in gratitude.  Watch the giving and receiving just happen because of the space of cooperation and respect that was created from the beginning.

Of course, have another family meeting and share ways you watched your love grow, and how it made you feel.  Have younger children draw a picture, or act out their story and feelings. 

En-joy your joyful, happy Labor Day experience!!!!!

September as….

Reduce stress, Build self-esteem Month.

What a great month to ‘stress’ these beliefs, concepts, and states of well-being.  Children, tweens, teens have headed back to school.  Most often, a great deal of stress arises within the family as they prepare for a different schedule, and way of living from the summer months.

Stress on parents, creates stress on kids, and stress on kids creates stress on parents, and all that energy in motion creates a stressed family.  I am not going to sit here and name all the stresses that raise their little heads…you know them, we all know them. We also know what it does to our emotions, health, and well-being.

What I want to do is give you choices, and resources to create a relaxed, safe, nurturing environment that empowers each family member to create family unity…harmony.

Two to three times during the week, you will receive a reminder of who you are, and books, ideas, activities, ways of being that REDUCE STRESS AND BUILD SELF-ESTEEM to create that family harmony for EVERYONE.

Yesterday, I sent out a blog called I Believe in Me.  I made a special offer on this book and DVD.  I invite you to check it out, because we will use some of the content, along with other resources.  (click here)

So are you interested in reducing stress and building self-esteem?  Interested in affirming who you really are?  GREAT!  Your daily reminder will plant a seed of self-awareness.  Take it with you and cultivate it by affirming it…a lot OK!? Great, you are cultivating self-realization.  Now begin to water it with any activity, book, or other crazy idea I may send you.  This step is very, very, important…big because you are self actualizing the truth of who you are.

See the beautiful, self affirming steps we are dancing together?  AWESOME!  Stay with me and let’s play.

I Believe in Me is a book written and illustrated by Connie Bowen.  It is a book of affirmations for children, or anyone’s child of spirit.  I have also made a DVD, with Connie’s permission, that can be used like a mind movie for your child.  In the DVD, the affirmations are read by children, the drawings are beautiful and colorful, and there are countless ways for the child to use and affirm the truth of who they are.

We all know about the Law of Attraction.  What we think about we bring about, and even more important is the emotion we carry behind the beliefs.  Those thoughts fueled by emotions, create a belief.  That belief becomes a magnet to bring that which we believe into existence… into our experiences.  What do you want your child believing about themselves?  Who do you want them listening to?

Getting back into school is a time our children can really benefit from this empowering resource to re-mind them to re-member who they really are.  They are not their subject.  They are not their grades.  They are sooo much more.  Therefore, I am running a special for the month of September on the book and DVD.  To find out more about the book, DVD, and the special offer, visit www.childrenofspirit.org/spirit-shoppe/.

Free 30 minute parenting consultative session for first 5 who purchase the book and DVD.