Three Ways We Create Our Own Weaknesses
05 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in Parenting Tags: blame, children, responsibilty, self-esteem, strengths, temperament, weaknesses
Another great article adapted from an excerpt from the book, I’m a Keeper, by Ray Lincoln. Ray is offering a great package of supporting gifts FOR A LIMITED TIME to those who purchase I’m a Keeper.
This may surprise you, but we have ourselves to blame for our weaknesses! Sorry, we can’t blame our temperament or anyone or anything outside of ourselves. We are responsible! By the way, don’t say “blame.” Blame, to me, is a dangerous word. We should not “blame” ourselves for anything since blame is condemnation. To condemn ourselves results in negative judgments against ourselves and can be very damaging.
We should, rather, hold ourselves responsible for our actions. We don’t want to blame our children because it lowers their self-esteem. And one of the temperaments (the NF), in particular, is strongly affected by continual inner judgments against themselves. We cannot afford to encourage these inner judgments. We should not let ourselves off the hook when we are responsible, either. Blame is condemnation, but accepting responsibility points us positively in the direction of change. Being accountable, without the negative impact of blame, is our goal. We simply are responsible for all of our actions and reactions, and that means for all of our weaknesses, because I hope to convince you that you really are responsible for your weaknesses – as I am for mine.
Weaknesses are the negatives in our lives. We have already said that we can never be given negatives. Positives, yes! Negatives are the malfunctioning of a healthy system. They result in and are caused by mistakes, failures, wrongs, and hurts. Weaknesses come from the wrong use or nonuse of strengths. Here’s how…
My observations have taught me that all weaknesses are a negative reflection of our strengths and we create them in one of three ways:
1. When we don’t use our strengths, we create weaknesses in our lives. This should be obvious.
2. When we overuse our strengths we create weaknesses. The overuse of any strength creates a weakness. Overuse creates a negative (not a positive) force.
3. When we use our strengths for wrong purposes (that is, to hurt ourselves or others – any others) we develop weaknesses, and we soon feel the pain of guilt flagging us that something is wrong.
There’s good news in this. I hope you see it. The good news is that, because we are responsible for our weakness, we can overcome them. The solution is really simple. It starts with understanding focus. We’ll deal with that in a subsequent lesson.
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This article is adapted from an excerpt from the book, I’m A Keeper, by Ray W. Lincoln. Ray is offering a great package of supporting gifts FOR A LIMITED TIME to those who purchase I’m a Keeper.
Go NOW to http://web.me.com/raynmaryjolincoln/RayWLincoln/Imakeeperbook.html to access this helpful book and the incredible offers.
Ray Lincoln is the founder of Ray W. Lincoln & Associates, providing life coaching, parenting seminars, personal growth seminars, marriage seminars and more. His expertise in Temperament Psychology has led to such success with solving parenting dilemmas that he has finally answered the recurring calls of his clients by publishing “I’m a Keeper.” His website, RayWLincoln.com, and blog, http://blog.raywlincoln.com offer further help and guidance
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Where’s That Anger Coming From?
05 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in Parenting Tags: achievement, anger, hurt, I'm a Keeper, joyful parentng, Ray Lincoln, sensitive, temperament
Parenting can be a real joy when done with confidence and respect. Find out how!
This article is adapted from an excerpt from the book, I’m A Keeper, by Ray W. Lincoln. Ray is offering a great package of supporting gifts FOR A LIMITED TIME to those who purchase I’m a Keeper.
If you have an angry or hostile child, you need to first determine which you are observing — anger or hostility. Anger is usually a reaction to being hurt. Hostility is something else and we will not discuss that here.
Knowing your child’s temperament is the next big step. Temperament consists of the innate urges that drive your child to action in every instance. When you know this it will lead you to the source of the anger. You will need to determine where the anger is coming from. Don’t punish outbursts that are typical displays of your child’s temperament. Hurt is caused when some basic strength of a person’s temperament is unable to be satisfied. For example: the sensitive NF’s anger at being hurt; an stabilizing SJ’s anger at a loss of security; a freedom-loving, daring SP’s anger at authority that causes loss of freedom; or an ingenious NT’s anger at a loss of achievement. Instead of punishing their anger, help them work through to a decision and a behavior that will enable them to relate effectively within their temperament to others, including you. When you can do this you are a “super” parent.
“Super Parent Theresa” was mystified as to why her daughter, Bridget, was stubbornly disobedient and spoke to her in bitter anger most of the time. Theresa had asked her daughter to clean up her room, but to her annoyance, found the room trashed instead of tidy. Her surge of anger was instant. (This is your signal that you are about to lose it emotionally, and can either gain or lose control of the situation. Take a time out, breathe deeply, and think! Recover your calm, controlling, manner.) “How dare she defy me like this,” she thought. Instead of handing out an immediate punishment in anger, Theresa followed the above steps. She withdrew to think clearly. Her daughter, she thought, always kept her room neat and tidy. This was so unlike her to trash her room.
Theresa remembered that her daughter was an SJ temperament whose greatest threat to living in her strengths was insecurity. Could she be feeling insecure? The answer was near at hand. Bridget had just come home with a poor report card, and her teacher who she looked up to and felt connected to had reprimanded her. It was, admittedly, four weeks since the divorce. Could this (and the teacher’s scolding) have climaxed in a fit of rage and rebellion against her mother? Perhaps, even the whole world? This fit could be the expression of an insecure, frightened little girl.
Theresa called Bridget to her and, assuming this was the cause, began to comfort her and go over these events, suggesting they could be quite upsetting and destabilizing. The dam broke and amid big tears, the mother discovered her daughter’s fears and heard “I’m sorry, Mother.” An SJ parent had rediscovered her SJ child and become the comforting mentor and understanding parent Bridget so needed. Super parenting!
# # #
This article is an adapted excerpt from the book, I’m A Keeper, by Ray W. Lincoln. Ray is offering a great package of supporting gifts FOR A LIMITED TIME to those who purchase I’m a Keeper. Go NOW to http://web.me.com/raynmaryjolincoln/RayWLincoln/Imakeeperbook.html to access this helpful book and the incredible offer.
Ray Lincoln is the founder of Ray W. Lincoln & Associates, providing life coaching, parenting seminars, personal growth seminars, marriage seminars and more. His expertise in Temperament Psychology has led to such success with solving parenting dilemmas that he has finally answered the recurring calls of his clients by publishing “I’m a Keeper.” His website, RayWLincoln.com, and blog, http://blog.raywlincoln.com offer further help and guidance.
Anything is Possible
30 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
in Child Mentoring, Parenting Tags: affirmations, child mentoring, children, concious parenting, inner guidance, inspired action, interests, mindful parenting, parenting, possibilities, reduce stress, responsibility, self-esteem
September has been a month of affirming who we are. I hope you have each reached deep inside yourselves to become aware of the unique genius and magnificence you are here to be and share. I know how easy it is as parents, teachers, guardians of ourselves, and especially our children, that we can unwittingly project or take on someone else’s truth of who we are or should be.
We cannot deny that our children will be conditioned to some degree to be who they are not. It is inevitable, conscious or not, in parenting. This happens because our manual for parenting comes from our parents, mentors, doctors, or friends to name a few. With these preconceived beliefs about what we think is safe, important, productive, successful, right/wrong, good/bad, we hold and project these fears, doubts, and limitations onto our children.
If we can let go, and create a space of holding our children as capable, then the child grows confident in their capabilities. Providing this space for individual competence, and constantly keeping in check our fears and limitations, we open the space for our children to trust themselves and move in alignment with their interests…what they love and what inspires them. Children, to be truly happy and successful, need to be afforded the opportunity to listen to their inner guidance, feelings, and follow their hearts. If we truly trust this process, they will blossom and shine. Each of you WILL become a conscious, active, responsible participant in your own life.
If we want our children to realize anything is possible, and follow their natural instinct, then keep in check your fears, limitations, doubts, and expectations. Rather than focus on what they can’t do, focus on what they can do. When you let go of what you want them to be, and just let them be, they will completely flourish. They are perfect just the way they are.
Affirmation to end the month:
I am whole and perfect just the way I am.
I want to share this video, as I believe it speaks to September’s theme. EN-JOY!!!
Meeting Disappointment with Truth
26 Sep 2010 1 Comment
in Parenting Tags: acheive, affirm, affirmations, beliefs, children, conscious, parenting tool, responsibiltiy, self-esteem
I just read an article by a parent and parent coach, that supports this month’s theme on building self-esteem and the use of affirmations.
As parents, we often don’t like to see our children in pain, or not get or achieve a heart’s desire. Many times the pain we feel is our own, rather than that of the child. Sometimes so much so, that the feeling we are having, and trying to ‘fix’ for the child, becomes projected, or transferred onto the child. In other words, the child ‘thinks’ this is the way they are suppose to feel, and respond to the circumstances or situation. If Mom or Dad are feeling angry, sad, disappointed that their child did not receive, or get what they deeply wanted, then the child most often begins to believe and play out this role when they meet disappointment. Whereas, if we ask the child questions, and find out what has transpired, and keep them focused on the feelings, emotions, and heart’s desire of what they want, then whatever it is they are desiring will come to them.
As a parent, and having worked with many parents, becoming aware of our projections, and trying to fix a pain, hurt, or disappointment is not teaching our children to meet these rather simple challenges in life. These ant hills become mountains when we do not allow the space for our children to become conscious, active, responsible participants in their own lives.
I invite you to read this article by Jill Hope. It is definitely a SIMPLE tool to help your child achieve any goal.
I Am…
09 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
in Parenting Tags: affirmations, believe, children, reduce stress
We, at Children of Spirit, have made September Reduce Stress, Build Self-Esteem Month. We have been sending out affirmations as seeds to plant, and nurture with activities, and have given suggestions on books, CD’s, DVD’s, that support your daily cultivating.
Today I want to share Little Jessica, because Jessica has it!!!! This is what I have been talking about!!! Little Jessica’s got it! Are you reducing stress, and building self-belief, self-esteem!!!! If you haven’t joined me, then join Little Jessica!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg
I don’t think I need to say anymore today…it’s all about belief and action…GO FOR IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART!!!!!
Building Self-Awareness
07 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
in Parenting Tags: affirmations, anger management, anxiety, child mentoring, parenting, relaxation, self-belief, self-esteem, stress
Re-member…
- Your daily reminder will plant a seed of self-awareness.
Today you affirm!
I Believe in Me. I am wonderfully creative. I enjoy new experiences. All my dreams are coming true.
- Take it with you and cultivate it by affirming it…a lot OK!? Great, you are cultivating self-realization.
Say these affirmations in front of the mirror with power, imagination, and creativity. Feel them, say them, and then begin to dance them. Put on some music. Say them, dance them, and share the experience with a friend or family member.
- Now begin to water it with any activity, book, or other crazy idea I may send you, or be creative and make up your own. This step is very, very, important, and BIG, because you are self actualizing the truth of who you are.
Cultivate it, water it…how? During the day(s) as you move through your experiences, be mindful of what you are doing, how you are feeling and affirm it with thoughts, feelings and words like…
I really believe in me, and I can do it. I did it!!! When I believe in me, I always do my best, and my best is good enough.
Wow, look, I found a new way! I am sooo creative.
I learned a new activity at school today, and I really loved, and enjoyed that new experience. I ___________, and discovered _________.
I feel__________. When I feel this way, my belief in myself and dreams can only come true.
Notice how many times you get to say one of these affirmations throughout your day. Again, be mindful, and no matter what you are engaged in, see if you can validate yourself with one of these affirmations!!!!
Parents, I invite you to check out these books. They are fabulous stories to read or share with your child before bedtime. They come from Stress Free Kids on my website.
Affirmation Web and Affirmation Weaver
A Believe in Yourself story and adventure, designed to help children boost self-esteem while decreasing stress and anxiety levels.
by Lori Lite • Illustrated by Max Stasuyk
Stress Buster for the Day from children of spirit
03 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
in Child Mentoring, Parenting Tags: affirmation, child development, communication, cooperation, express feelings, family unity, love, parenting, partnership, respect, stress, stress buster, unconditional love
Today everyone gets to affirm….I Share My Love and Watch it Grow.
It’s Labor Day weekend, and surely you and your family are planning activities together with friends, other family members, or some type of community gathering. This is a time of sharing and working together to make many wonderful memories possible. The kind of working together I am talking about is co-operation. No shoulds, have tos, or expectations of how things ought to look…UNLESS you have decided that as a family. Have a family meeting and talk about what your plans are, how everyone feels about them, give everyone an opportunity to make suggestions, and finally together in equal partnership create a win-win for everyone.
Everyone, when moving from this kind of partnership through co-operation and being heard, will share their love and watch it grow.
Remember I said the affirmation must be in the forefront of everyone’s mind and beingness throughout the day (or weekend in this case). I hope as you move through your weekend experience, you will hear each other say, I share my love and watch it grow. This can happen verbally or just through your being that which you are. Sooo…
One final suggestion: Observe, and be present to yourself and the other. When you see a family member or another giving from joy, through love, acknowledge it through a deep breath, smile, or thank you, to yourself in gratitude. Watch the giving and receiving just happen because of the space of cooperation and respect that was created from the beginning.
Of course, have another family meeting and share ways you watched your love grow, and how it made you feel. Have younger children draw a picture, or act out their story and feelings.
En-joy your joyful, happy Labor Day experience!!!!!
Reduce Stress..Build Self-Esteem
02 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
in Child Mentoring, Parenting Tags: affirmations, child, children, choices, family, family unity, health, mentoring, nurturing, parenting, parenting tool, self-awareness, self-esteem, spiritual, stress, well-being
Children of Spirit announces, and has officially created and endorsed
September as….
Reduce stress, Build self-esteem Month.
What a great month to ‘stress’ these beliefs, concepts, and states of well-being. Children, tweens, teens have headed back to school. Most often, a great deal of stress arises within the family as they prepare for a different schedule, and way of living from the summer months.
Stress on parents, creates stress on kids, and stress on kids creates stress on parents, and all that energy in motion creates a stressed family. I am not going to sit here and name all the stresses that raise their little heads…you know them, we all know them. We also know what it does to our emotions, health, and well-being.
What I want to do is give you choices, and resources to create a relaxed, safe, nurturing environment that empowers each family member to create family unity…harmony.
Two to three times during the week, you will receive a reminder of who you are, and books, ideas, activities, ways of being that REDUCE STRESS AND BUILD SELF-ESTEEM to create that family harmony for EVERYONE.
Yesterday, I sent out a blog called I Believe in Me. I made a special offer on this book and DVD. I invite you to check it out, because we will use some of the content, along with other resources. (click here)
So are you interested in reducing stress and building self-esteem? Interested in affirming who you really are? GREAT! Your daily reminder will plant a seed of self-awareness. Take it with you and cultivate it by affirming it…a lot OK!? Great, you are cultivating self-realization. Now begin to water it with any activity, book, or other crazy idea I may send you. This step is very, very, important…big because you are self actualizing the truth of who you are.
See the beautiful, self affirming steps we are dancing together? AWESOME! Stay with me and let’s play.
I Believe in Me
01 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
in Child Mentoring Tags: affirmations, beliefs, believe, book, Cathy Bolton, Connie Bowen, DVD, emotions, I Believe in Me, inner compass, inner guidance, law of attraction, mind movie, Neale Donald Walsch, nurture, stress, trust
I recently bought the Mind Movies software, to work on me, and peel away the layers of beliefs I choose to believe about myself. I have often shared how many of those beliefs came into existence in my psyche, and what a challenge it is to change them. They were often given to me by those who meant well, but were in authority, such as parents, teachers, friends, institutions, and whom I was told to trust and to listen. Also, those of you who know me know that from this experience, and that of a teacher, my purpose and passion has been to support parents on raising their kids to trust and listen to their own inner guidance or compass. If we truly want ourselves, as well as our children, to live happy, successful lives, then we need to nurture, and teach them to nurture the truth of who they are. We need to remind them of that when the world chooses to tell them, or you, something contrary to the pure potential and connection to spirit they were born with.
I Believe in Me is a book written and illustrated by Connie Bowen. It is a book of affirmations for children, or anyone’s child of spirit. I have also made a DVD, with Connie’s permission, that can be used like a mind movie for your child. In the DVD, the affirmations are read by children, the drawings are beautiful and colorful, and there are countless ways for the child to use and affirm the truth of who they are.
We all know about the Law of Attraction. What we think about we bring about, and even more important is the emotion we carry behind the beliefs. Those thoughts fueled by emotions, create a belief. That belief becomes a magnet to bring that which we believe into existence… into our experiences. What do you want your child believing about themselves? Who do you want them listening to?
Getting back into school is a time our children can really benefit from this empowering resource to re-mind them to re-member who they really are. They are not their subject. They are not their grades. They are sooo much more. Therefore, I am running a special for the month of September on the book and DVD. To find out more about the book, DVD, and the special offer, visit www.childrenofspirit.org/spirit-shoppe/.
Free 30 minute parenting consultative session for first 5 who purchase the book and DVD.
Labels and Your Intuition About Your Kids
29 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in Family Coaching, Parenting Tags: bonding, children, communication, family, intuition, labels, parenting
This is an awesome article by Tara Paterson, a certified coach for parents of intuitives. She is raising 4 highly intuitive children, and is co-author of Raising Intuitive Children. This is a book to definitely check out if you are interested in shifting your parenting styles to meet your child’s style and strengths, and exploring strategies for bonding and communication at each stage of development.
